Comfort in shared grief

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Written By Edward Smith

Comfort in shared grief:



Talking about death and grief can feel awkward, and many people often struggle to find the right words to express their sympathy and support for someone who has lost a loved one.

Trying to downplay their feelings or offering unhelpful advice could actually make things worse. The fear of saying something insensitive might even lead you to avoid them altogether, which can inadvertently isolate the grieving person.

But even if you're unsure of the perfect words, it's important to acknowledge their grief. Ignoring their pain can make it harder for them to cope.

The challenge we all face is to make talking openly about bereavement normal and to offer support without making people feel uncomfortable.

 

“The Ancient Egyptians believed we all die twice.

First, when we take our last breath.

Second, when our name is spoken for the last time.”

 

Grief is such a unique experience, it's based entirely on you and that person's relationship. And that can be different even within a family.

Grief also doesn’t necessarily have a timeline and it can still have a big effect on people 10 months or 10 years later. So, it's really important that we acknowledge that our experiences of grief are unique.

Finding common ground and similarities in the symptoms of grief can often lift you up into a sense of relief because you realise you’re not alone.

 

How social media has changed how we grieve? 

Grief is not about the deceased. It’s about you, your family and everyone who knew the deceased, and how you are all coping with the loss. Being connected in this grief is comforting and empowering.

Social media has undoubtedly had a massive impact on all of our lives and how connected we all are.

On the one hand, it's really positive; there's this huge grief community on social media that you can tap into.

If you search #grief on Instagram, for example, there is a wealth of content. There are grief podcasts, memes, quotes and graphics that all help you feel very connected, and comfort your heartache.

But most of this support is one way, and the “analogue” real-life support, if you have it, is a far more effective way to talk through what you’re going through.

How impactful is it when someone sits next to you, puts their hand on your shoulder and asks if you are ok? Aside from anything else you feel seen. Which is often not the case online.

The service Lasting Legacy offers bridges the gap between both analogue and digital worlds.

 

Analogue grief

For the analogue part, you’ll likely need your friends and family to come together and help you write the story, source the images and video and decide how it’s all going to be put together.

Looking back on cherished moments can be a great way to reflect on the meaning they had in your life and to keep their memory alive.

This process may bring about tears, laughter, regret, empathy, reflection, redemption, forgiveness and reconciliation (amongst other things).

But all of those feelings are a necessary part of grief and it helps all involved to share these emotions together.

Sharing stories, letters slides, videos, certificates, rediscovering old pictures, even old voicemails – it helps you remember them.

Who they were. Why they were loved.

It helps you process the loss that everyone is feeling.

So that’s the analogue part, but what about the digital?

Digital grief

Well once your film is made, with a little help from us, It’s time to share it.

This wonderful story of their life needs to live out in the world. Not just through the QR code the plaque or stone, or through the memorial cards we provide.

It should also be shared with all those people who knew them and loved them as much as you. Social media is built for such a purpose.

So all of the people who couldn’t make the funeral, or you have not had a chance to talk to yet get to celebrate the life of your loved one.

That may include the distant family who live in another country. The older generation who perhaps are in some of the photos, and the younger generation who will not see them until they are older. The work colleagues, old teammates, school friends, university alumni, distant housemates and local neighbours.

It's another opportunity to share their story and memory far and wide.

We find this collective filmmaking and film-watching process can provide emotional support and foster a unique sense of connection during these times of grief.

 
Edward Smith
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